I'll never be President. Neither will you.

When your grandfather told you that you could be anything, he was lying.  You may NOT be the President of the United States.

My latest CNN.com-bashing stems from this lovely commentary.

Roland Martin is a wonderful Everyman commentator, forcing the news to be taken down from its [sic] "fair and balanced" pedestal and pointing out the [sic] "truth" of how the political realm really doesn't apply to the rest of us.  But sometimes, he takes it a bit too far.

But seriously, did you have to go there?

"Can we all just stop the silly nonsense over who is an elitist and whether an 'average American' will occupy the White House?  Listening to the punditry today, you would think folks who revel in the comedy of Larry the Cable Guy or Katt Williams really would have a shot at the White House?  It's totally absurd." (emphasis added, my style manual reminds me to write).

According to Mr. Martin's assessment, I cannot be President.  My educational history reflects a paltry attendance at Ithaca College and the potential for a Law Degree from the University of Louisville.*  I have no great love for Larry the Cable Guy or Katt Williams; am I disqualified by my love for the late Mitch Hedberg ("I used to do drugs.  I still do, but I used to, too!") or the cross-dressing Eddie Izzard ("Go then!  Put babies on spikes!")?

Sure, a certain amount of breeding is pretty much intrinsic in the office of the President of the United States.  Is it bad that the [sic] Leader of the Free World did not graduate from Raritan Valley Community College in Nowhere, New Jersey?  It doesn't hurt that our Executive has a certain amount of reputation to carry with him or her.  But who does it help, Mr. Martin, to tell them to get over it, and stick in their socially prescribed caste, because they're just never going to move up in the world.  You want to be an elitist?  Better get into Harvard Law, kid.  

But of course, every impassioned comment is mired with elided facts.  President Ronald Reagan, certainly elitist in his own right (after all, he was a [sic] "movie star"), attended Eureka College for his undergraduate degree.  He never went to Law School.**

*Obligatory Footnote: Senator Christopher Dodd (D-CT), brief but at least noteworthy contender for the Democratic Nomination, also attended U of L Law School.  I guess I can at least run for President and lose...

**Nixon: Whittier & Duke; Johnson: Southwest Texas State Teacher's College; Truman: No college degree; Harding: Ohio Central College; B. Harrison: Miami.  

Go, Jimmy, Go!!!, or, How Focus on the Family won it for the Dems

As usual, I rely on a blogger at CNN for all my information, which, obviously, is like relying on Judas  to show up with a nail remover.  But still, it's more entertaining than those dry folks over at the BBC, less spurious than the headlines at NPR, and at least it's not Fox News...

And while we sit here pounding the Clinton-Obama double kick drum, there is still that stinging feeling that, hey, shouldn't we be talking more about John McCain's foibles than those of the Democrat Party's two nearly indistiguishable heroes?

Well guess what, you beautiful Dems?  You can keep fighting, because we've got an unlikely ally in the War against Red: Dr. James Dobson.

We all know that Dobson's version of the Republican Party is the one that cherishes the lives of Unborn Children and wants to "protect traditional family values."  Yeah, and maybe allow every American to carry a deadly weapon without restriction (to protect the babies from the gays, I suppose...).  

Evidently, Dobson's GOP isn't the one with which we've become familiar.  Honestly, I've been trying to reduce the current (Bush) and future (McCain) GOP policy down to a few witty zingers for the last 20 minutes, and to be honest, I really don't even know how to do it.  I have no idea what the New GOP policy is, but I don't see too many Republicans (All Huckabees notwithstanding) who are standing up for the Dobson version of the GOP that keeps most Right-wing Christians voting.

I grew up in a Conservative Christian home, and Focus on the Family was a constant mainstay on our radio.  I listened to his radio show, read his children's adventure books and watched the videos.  And as a Midwestern Christian Child, I believed that Republicanism was about protecting babies, and that was about it.  Democrats were murderous scum, and Jesus loved Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush.  Bill Clinton was, in fact, the harbinger of Antichrist, and a sure sign of the end times.

For perspective, I also believed I would see John Lennon in Heaven, because music so good could only be a product of Almighty God.

The W Administration has been successful in one clear regard: the complete alienation of the Christian Right.  Two terms of Iraq and NCLB, and the Christians are wondering why Roberts and Alito haven't overturned Roe v. Wade yet.  They're wondering why, when 36 states have passed gay marriage bans, courts are overturning them as unconstitutional.  And they're starting to realize that there is no love in the GOP for the compassionate mandates of the Bible that we take care of the poor and destitute.  

In a word, the Evangelical Church has been hoodwinked.  The Republicans don't really care about the Christian Right anymore.  Arrogance, to a degree; it has been a constant assumption that Christian = One in the Bag for McCain.  But after the Bush Debacle, Christians are starting to see through the guise and start seeing what Republicans actually care about: Money, more money, warmongering, oil, and more money.  And guns (to protect the babies from the gays).  

So enter Dr. Dobson, who, thanks to his lack of self-declaration, enjoys Prophet-Apostle status among Fundamentalists and Evangelicals.  His opinion: McCain can't "unite" conservatives, because McCain only represents the actual Republican Party Agenda, rather than the Christian Party agenda. 

And from that perspective, he's right.  He's the one who threatened to take all the Christians away if Rudy Giuliani got the nomination.  He reticently supported Mitt Romney (after all, he's a MORMON...from MASSACHUSETTS!); naturally, he went head-over-heels for Mike Huckabee.  Huckabee was what I believed a Republican Candidate should be when I was 8 years old.  Loves Jesus, hates abortion.  John McCain is not a "Fundamentalist-Friendly" candidate.  Sure, he's "Pro-life" (I don't believe him) and "Pro-family" (whatever that means these days), but that's not his primary focus, and it never will be.  It's lip service to pander to Christian voters, and hey!  Guess what, world?!  Christians aren't quite as stupid as you think!!!

Dr. Dobson, keep on reminding us how the party is splitting, because true followers of Christ have no business supporting the Republican Machine anymore.  Find someone who's pro-life and wants to feed, clothe, and house the poor, give all they have, who wants to heal the outcast, and love their neighbors and their enemies.  Who will give to Caesar that which is Caesar's.*

In the meantime, a Leftish government might actually get a stab at running this nation for a minute, and we can see what happens.

*Bring on the onslaught, I dare you.  

I get support from the strangest places

CNN.com's Political Ticker is my first stop for the latest in irresponsible spin on the election debacle of the day.  They're about as objective as, well, journalists, but I find it great fun anyway.

Now I stand by my opinion that Bill Clinton was not the great hero that people like to think he is, but I don't get a lot of support for it (well, not from Democrats anyway).  Despite my support for that "other guy" (you know, the BLACK one), I think that Senator Hillary Clinton would actually fare better than her husband in the White House, primarily because I don't think she'd make the same mistakes that he made.  Unlike the Bush Presidency, most presidents are hated for their cock-ups rather than for their successes.  Sure, Bill had some success, but I think his mistakes (see "It's your prioritized bullet-list, stupid!" below) outweigh them.  I've got a feeling that Hillary's agenda is going to be a fair bit more conservative (as in "careful" not "Republican"), especially in the areas of foreign policy and sexual indiscretion.

So that's my opinion, and I'm sticking by it.  But I never thought I'd get support from two Democrats in particular: Bill and Chelsea Clinton.

Chelsea: Mom will be a better president than dad

Considering Bill's inability to ever again officially occupy any part of the White House other than the Lincoln Bedroom, it's a lovely campaign piece: "You liked Bill?  Well Hill's even Better!"  But I tend to agree in the literal sense.  Mrs. Clinton has the kind of dignity and experience that might keep her out her husband's worse decisions.

That's not to say that she won't have to deal with the same problems Obama or McCain would have to deal with, such problems as will probably destroy their respective careers before any of them truly begin, but given the climate we're in, I'd definitely vote Hillary before welcoming the illustrious and unconstitutional return of her husband.